God Bless you Grandpa George

My grandpa died suddenly in his sleep on Monday morning. Although we should all be so lucky as to live so long and be so loved, his loss was unexpected rendering us all a bit defenseless in the face of it.

But the grace of it is there as well. On Sunday night I though I had reached a new low as I struggled with being a single mother and the weight of that responsibility. My darling three year old can be a bit challenging and this weekend he put me through my paces by testing both my patience and my endurance. By Sunday evening I was ready to be finished and was considering joining the circus.

Then Monday morning came and the trivial nature of my worries was washed away by the simplest of truths. Time ends for all of us and it is the moments before death that define who we are as people.

So this week as a mother I chose to be defined by my love, the joyous nature of my exuberant and energetic son, and the knowledge that deep down I am never alone.

My grandpa was an amazing man. He lived through the great depression on a farm in Alberta and was in the Canadian air force during World War II. He became a master tradesman. He had eight children. He died only a day before celebrating his 65th wedding anniversary. He was a kind, gentle, and soft-spoken enigma in my childhood. But, I could count on him to be there in the rocking chair by the tv in the evening to engage with the rest of us. I knew that he could fix anything, as he continued to fix anything and everything that needed fixing in his own home well into his 80s. The vision of him grinning from ear to ear grease-stained in his work coveralls as he was coming in for lunch after putting something back together in the garage will linger in my memory forever. I hope there is little about our moments together that I forget.

Most importantly, I won't forget his deep and clear love for my grandma - something I only began to recognize as an adult. Little moments of unforgettable kindness that demonstrated that 65 years of marriage doesn't have to erase gentleness or love.

My grandpa gave my son his airforce medals. They reside in a canister in his room. Some day I will explain to my son the significance of owning this memorabilia from a great man. Not a perfect man. A great one.

If I am a good mother, I will raise my son to know the difference.

So, God Bless you Grandpa. Thank you for reminding me that even in our darkest and most difficult moments there is something bright on the horizon that we shouldn't overlook. I will love you forever and remember you always.